


The  Moon's White Face

by cindale



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drama, Marauders' Era, The Quidditch Pitch: School Days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-10-02
Updated: 2005-10-02
Packaged: 2018-10-27 10:16:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10807083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cindale/pseuds/cindale
Summary: My name is Remus John Lupin.  I am 11 years old.  I go to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and I'm in Gryffindor.  My dad died when I was 7.  My mum is great, but I wish she wasn't alone now.  My sister, Renoir, is 18 - she finished Hogwarts last year, and she works at Gringotts in London.  I like school, but I'm always scared that people will find out my secret, because if they do, they won't like me any more.





	1. Chapter the First

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

Author’s Notes: This is a spin off from “A Cord of Three Strands”, another fic of mine. It’s not necessary to read that fic; they’re from two different eras. The two fics will be consistent with each other, but will both stand completely alone as separate stories.

This is a bit of a different format. It’s also a different tone. I’m starting out writing as an eleven-year-old, so grammar won’t always be perfect, and it shouldn’t be. As Remus grows, his grammar and variation in word use will improve.

Thanks to much to Swishandflick, who is a great friend and who graciously consented to beta read for this fic, despite his busy schedule. Thanks also to my Live Journal friends “indigochild76”, “hhhellcat”, and “katiemorris”, who have been reviewing this consistently on the LJ. You three have been SO encouraging, and this first chapter is dedicated to you.

*************************************************

LOVE, we have dipped Life’s humble bread   
Into the stars’ flame-bubbling springs;   
We’ve knelt before the Moon’s white face,   
While around us whirred Night’s purple wings. 

Love, we have trod the floors of Morn,  
And watched Dawn’s reeling galleons die;   
The sunset’s panoramic hills—   
Love, we have known them, you and I. 

Upon the battlements of Time   
We stood and heard Life’s thunders roar:  
A million ticking years that swelled   
The crashing notes of millions more. 

Our hearts have germinated sweet   
To beauty through each golden hour;   
But now the bloom-time days are past,  
The stalk is fading with the flower.

And we shall seek earth’s simple things:   
A roof-tree small, a green-thatched fire—   
Come, Love, and lay your cherished dreams   
Beneath the touch of my desire.

We could not climb the Infinite,   
The jagged heights were steep and long;   
For us child-wistfulness and sleep—   
Old twilight memories and song. 

Love, is it here that we shall wend,  
Down homelit paths, grown gently wise?   
Perhaps your eyes, made glad of earth,   
Shall find the Key to Paradise.

“Transformation” by J. Corson Miller

****************************************************

Wednesday, 1 September 1971  
11:30 AM

Well, I’ve done it! I’m actually on the Hogwarts Express headed to Hogwarts! I still can’t believe I get to go! I couldn’t wait to put on my school robes, and I can’t wait to get there! Mum packed me a sandwich, but I don’t feel like eating. I'm too excited!

I can't wait to learn to be a real wizard. Mum taught me a few spells at home, and I've read loads in books (and tried some of them), but now I get to learn for real. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't been able to come. I've already read all the books we have at home. But now I'll have the whole Hogwarts library to read. Excellent!

Professor Dumbledore said he had a special place for me to go every month. He said I could sneak out on that night and that no one would ever know. He said it would be fine. But how do I really know for sure? I would be very sad if I had to go home. I hope he's right.

I hope the other kids at school like me. Renoir says I've got nothing to worry about - that everyone's nice at Hogwarts. But she's so pretty and popular - of course they're nice to her. I just look plain, and I think I might be sort of small. I haven't seen another boy who's as small as me yet. And then there's the scars. I have to be careful to hide them – good thing we wear robes!

I think the worst thing might be if I made some friends and really liked them, and then they found out and decided they hated me. That would be horrible. Maybe it would be better not to make friends at all? I don't know.

There's a few kids in the compartment with me now, but I'm not sure if I should talk to them. Two of them are girls, but they're older than me. The boy looks older than me, but I think he's a first year, too. I think the girls are his cousins and they're teasing him about what house he'll get into. They seem to think it would be terrible if he got into Hufflepuff or Gryffindor. I don't know what would be so bad about Hufflepuff. Mum and Renoir were in Hufflepuff, and I bet I'm in there, too. Ravenclaw would be okay, though - Renoir says they all study too much, but I think I'd like that.

The boy's trying to talk to me. He's being nosy - asking me what I'm writing. I guess I'll talk to him a little and write more later.

********************************************

5:15 PM

The other boy in the compartment is called Sirius Black. The girls are called Andromeda and Narcissa, and they're his cousins. Sirius reckons he’ll end up in Slytherin like his parents and most of his family, but he doesn’t seem all that happy about it. Andromeda is in Ravenclaw, but Sirius says he’s not exactly bookish. He laughed when I said I’d probably be in Hufflepuff, which made me a little mad. What’s wrong with Hufflepuff? But he said he thought I’d be in Ravenclaw because I did seem like the bookish type. The way he said it was almost an insult, like he thinks I’m boring.

We played Exploding Snap while the girls argued about boys. Andromeda says Narcissa’s got a crush on the Head Boy, but Narcissa said at least he’s a pure-blood, and not a Muggle-born like Andromeda’s crush. Except Narcissa said, “Mudblood.” My mum told me never to say that word – she says it’s worse than cursing. I guess there’s people at Hogwarts that don’t like people just because of their parents. I wonder if some people might not like me because my dad was a Muggle? Of course, if they found out about the other thing, they wouldn’t like me anyway.

The girls really got mad at each other so Sirius and I got as far away from them as possible while we played cards. I think he cheated a couple of times, but I didn’t want to say anything. I don’t want to make him mad at me.

Sirius ate a bunch of food from the trolley and then he got sleepy. Andromeda and Narcissa went off to find some of their friends. So it’s finally quiet in here. It’s starting to get dark outside and I think we must be nearly there. I wonder if I should wake Sirius up – he’s not in his robes yet.

********************************

9:23 PM

I’m lying in my huge four-poster bed with the curtains drawn and my wand lit so I can see to write. And I can’t believe where I’m sleeping! I’m in Gryffindor! I never thought about being in Gryffindor. Renoir said Gryffindors were supposed to be brave, but she thought most of them were obnoxious. I wonder what she and Mum will think of this?

The Sorting Hat said it knew I was expecting Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw, but that I had “depths of courage” I didn’t realize, and that I really belonged in Gryffindor. I thought that was really weird – I don’t feel very brave at all. I never have. I think the hat must be broken.

Sirius is in Gryffindor, too. He seemed really surprised, but happy. The other two boys who got in are called James Potter and Peter Pettigrew. Peter’s really shy. James was nice to me, but he doesn’t like Sirius at all. They kept looking at each other at dinner, but not talking, like they were trying to figure each other out. And then when we got up here to the dormitory, James and Sirius had a big fight about who got the bed next to the window. They were hitting each other when the prefect came in and told them off. As soon as the prefect left, Sirius shoved James so hard he flew halfway across the room and jumped on the bed and did some sort of charm so James couldn’t get through the curtains. James cursed at him a lot and then found another bed. I got into bed as quickly as I could after that. I don’t ever want either of them to get mad at me – they can be mean. Peter looked really scared, and I felt a little sorry for him. I wonder if he wonders why he’s in Gryffindor, like me?

I hope Sirius and James don’t fight all year. Maybe I can just hang out with Peter and stay away from them.

********************************************

Thursday, 2 September 1971  
9:23 PM

So much happened today that I don’t know what to write about first!

I guess I’ll start with my classes. I only had Herbology and Transfiguration today. First years get to start classes late on Thursday mornings because of Astronomy at Midnight on Wednesdays. And flying lessons don’t start until next week.

Anyway, Herbology was fun. I think I like Professor Sprout. Sprout – what a funny name for someone who works with plants! But I guess I’m not one to talk since Lupin is a good name for me (I wish it wasn’t!). I like working with plants, so I think I’ll like Herbology.

I think Transfiguration might be hard, though. Professor McGonagall seems very strict. She really yelled at James for talking during class. I finally got my match to turn into a needle, but it took me the whole class, and it was still a little red on one end. James got his to turn on the first try, which made Sirius really mad.

I guess I should talk about Sirius and James. Sirius woke me and Peter up this morning banging on his trunk. I guess James put a locking charm on it so he couldn’t open it. He was really mad. He had to have a prefect help him open it. James had already gone to breakfast, which is a good thing, because I think Sirius would have hurt him. I think it was mean of James, but I guess he was still mad about the beds last night. Sirius says he’s going to get James back, and I’m sure he will.

I was hoping to sit with Peter in Herbology, but Sirius got there before him. I guess Sirius is okay – he’s nice enough to me – but it was a little boring to hear him talking about his revenge on James the whole class. I sat with Peter at lunch, though, and the first year girls sat near us. I guess they seem nice enough, but they’re kind of giggly. The one called Kinesha Shacklebolt sat closest to me. She says her brother’s a Slytherin prefect and everyone’s afraid of him.

Tomorrow I have Potions. Monday I have a lot more classes. But I wonder if I’ll get to go to class Monday. I don’t want to miss Defence Against the Dark Arts. I’m getting worried – I need to figure out what I’m going to tell my roommates when I have to leave Saturday. Mum said I should tell them she’s sick and I need to visit her, but I don’t want the other boys to think I’m homesick on the first weekend of school. Maybe I can think of something else.

*********************************

Friday, 3 September 1971  
9:03 PM

Well, I did it. I told the other boys a story about the weekend, and they believed me without even asking any questions. It’s weird – I know lying is supposed to be wrong, but the grown-ups all said to do it – Dumbledore, McGonagall, Madam Pomfrey, and Mum all said it was okay, so it must be. But I still feel a little guilty about it. Maybe not because lying is wrong, but because I thought trust was supposed to be part of friendship. Well, it would be a lot worse if they knew the truth.

Anyway, it’s odd how it happened. I got an owl from Mum today at breakfast, and I guess I must have frowned a little when I read it, because James asked me what was wrong. I started to say nothing, but then I thought how easy it would be to make something up. I told him my grandmother died, which is true, but she died six months ago. Mum mentioned her in the letter, which is probably what made me think of it. But I told James that I needed to go away for the weekend, and he thought I had to go to the funeral. I felt a little weird when he said he was sorry and started telling the girls about it. One of them hugged me – her name is Lily Evans.

So now I don’t have to worry about the weekend. I told them I have to leave Saturday afternoon and I’m not sure when I’ll be back. Of course, I don’t have any more grandmothers, so I can’t use this story every month. I’ll have to think of something else next month.

Sirius got his revenge on James today. We’ve all just been wearing underwear under our robes because it’s still a bit hot. Sirius put a spell on James’s robes in the Great Hall at lunch and they flew up over his head. Everybody saw James in his underwear! It was actually kind of funny, but James was really mad. By the time he got his robes to stay down, Sirius had run away and hid. But McGonagall found him and gave him detention. Sirius says it was worth it, but I would hate to get detention. Now James is the one talking about revenge. I wish they would just stop.

I only had double Potions today. I’m afraid Potions is going to be very hard, but Professor Biber seems nice enough. We all had the afternoon off, and James and Peter tried to get me to go outside with them (Sirius had his detention). But I worked on my Transfiguration and Herbology homework since I won’t be able to over the weekend.

I guess I won’t be writing again for awhile. Hopefully I can write Monday.

*******************************

Monday, 6 September 1971  
6:34 PM

I spent Saturday night in my secret place and Sunday night in the hospital wing. I didn’t get to go to classes today. I really had a bad time this month, probably because I was in a strange place. It’s a good thing Madam Pomfrey was around. I really missed Mum, but Madam Pomfrey is much better at healing. Mum really wanted to come for the first one, but Dumbledore said no, that it would “draw attention” to me.

Saturday, as soon as it was dark outside, Madam Pomfrey met me by the gamekeeper’s hut. I thought it was odd that she was carrying a long stick instead of her wand until I saw the tree. She poked a spot on the tree with the stick and it stopped moving.

Okay – that sounded odd because I haven’t written about the tree yet. It was planted just a few weeks ago, but it’s already twice as tall as Madam Pomfrey. It waves its branches around like it’s trying to hit someone. It’s kind of scary. Madam Pomfrey called it the Whomping Willow and said it was planted to keep people away from the tunnel. She looked scared and sad when she told me this. I wondered if she was imagining other kids being hurt by the tree. But I guess that’s better than them being hurt by me.

We climbed into a damp, dark tunnel that started under the tree. We had to duck down to walk through it, and Madam Pomfrey had to light her wand so we could see. I had left mine in the dormitory for safekeeping.

After what seemed like a long walk, the tunnel sloped upward and we went through a trap door. We were inside a house! I had expected a cave or something. But it was a regular house, with furniture and everything. It looked pretty normal, except the windows were all blocked. Madam Pomfrey said there was a bed upstairs that I could lie in if I wanted to. She explained that all the doors and windows were magically sealed so that no one could get in or out, and that she would seal the trap door when she left.

She looked really sad then, and I thought for a minute she might cry. But she turned and climbed through the trapdoor quickly, leaving me alone. I recognized that look – it was the same one Mum gave me every month, except she always hugged me before she left. I tried really hard not to cry, but I think I did anyway.

I don’t remember much after that. I went upstairs, undressed, and got into bed to wait for the moon to rise. I remember thinking that I had never had someplace so comfortable to change before, but I still wished I was back in my tiny metal storage shed in the back of the garden with Mum waiting outside.

The next thing I remember was waking up in the hospital wing. I felt like I was floating and didn’t hurt at all. It was really nice, except I couldn’t move. That scared me a little, but Madam Pomfrey said it was just the healing spells. She seemed really relieved that I was awake. She said it was Sunday night! Wow! I had slept a whole day! I asked her if I could go to classes the next day and she said, “Certainly not!” I remember those were her exact words.

So I had to miss four classes today! Madam Pomfrey finally let me leave during dinner tonight, which was good, because I got to sneak up to the dormitory while everyone was gone. Madam Pomfrey healed most of my scratches and bruises, but there’s a really deep cut on my leg that still hurts a lot and makes me want to limp.

I’m really tired and my whole body is sore, but I should feel better tomorrow. I’ve got to stay awake and ask one of the other boys for the assignments I missed. I hope I can get some of my homework done tonight.

***************************************

Tuesday, 7 September 1971  
7:53 PM

I got to go to classes today. A few people asked me how the funeral was, but didn’t ask more when I said okay. I was really scared someone would ask me a lot of questions.

My leg is still sore, but I tried really hard not to limp. Lily noticed anyway. She sat by me in Astronomy and asked me what was wrong with my leg. I told her I twisted my ankle over the weekend. Then she asked me how the funeral went, and I started to feel bad about lying to her. She acts like she really wants to know when she asks questions, and she’s really nice. I was glad when Professor Carme started class.

I think Astronomy is going to be fun, maybe my favourite class. We get to learn all the names of the planets and constellations and what they mean. I can’t wait to go tomorrow night and look at the stars from the Astronomy Tower. I’ve tried looking through my telescope before, but never from up that high.

Got a letter from Mum today. She was trying not to sound sad, but I know she didn’t like it that she missed my change. I owled her yesterday to let her know I was fine so she wouldn’t worry. Mum says she’s proud of me for being so brave, and she can see why I got into Gryffindor. It makes me feel bad when she says I’m brave. I’m not brave at all. I cry every month and all I can think about is that Dad is dead and it’s my fault.

Well, I’d better quit writing for now. I’ve got tons of homework since I missed a day of classes, and I’m still really tired.

************************************

Wednesday, 8 September 1971  
11:24 PM

Now that I’ve been to all my classes, I think Defence Against the Dark Arts is definitely going to be my favourite class. Professor Armstrong is really good at telling stories, and it sounds like she’s got a lot to tell. She’s really old. Sirius said she used to be an Auror. Today she told us a cool story about how she stopped a vampire by using a mirror to reflect sunlight.

The Charms teacher, Professor Flitwick, is really tiny – he has to stand on a stack of books to teach. I wonder if he’s part elf or something. Lily was the first one to get her feather to float. I finally did it about half through class, and Peter never did it. James and Sirius kept watching each other to see who would do it first.

James got his revenge for the underwear prank tonight after dinner. It was actually pretty funny. A book started floating in the air beside Sirius’s head while he was trying to study. When he saw it he got up and tried to walk away from it, but it followed him all over the common room. The other kids really laughed when they read the title: Why Am I So Moody? The Adolescent Witch’s Guide to the Changes in Her Body by P. M. Simms. Sirius finally caught it and sat on it so it would stop. Then he asked James why he had a book about witches loudly enough for everyone to hear, which made James turn red and everyone else laugh. I think James found the book in the library just to annoy Sirius, though.

I’ve got to go to Astronomy in a few minutes, so I’d better get my telescope!

********************************************

Thursday, 9 September 1971  
7:52 PM

Today was our first flying lesson. I think I did okay – it was rather fun once I got the hang of it. James and Sirius both fly very well. Sirius bragged that he’s had his own broom since he was six, and James bragged that he’s going to try out for Seeker on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Sirius laughed and said he’d never make the team. He said they never put first years on the team, and they never will. James said that’s going to change. Lily finally yelled at them both to shut up, but I think she was just mad because she was having trouble balancing on her broom. Peter never got off the ground, but Mr. Mewford told him to keep trying. He seems really nice.

Sirius wants to borrow my History notes. I really shouldn’t let him – he should have taken his own, but he was too busy charming parchment balls to hit James on the head. But I don’t want him mad at me, so I’d better get them.

*****************************************

Saturday, 11 September 1971  
3:04 PM

I hate Sirius Black! He ruined my Potions essay, and now I have to start over! This fighting with James all the time is getting really stupid! They’re both stupid!

I was sitting in the common room with James and Peter working on my essay when a water balloon hit James’s parchment and exploded all over the table. Before we had time to move, another one hit James between the eyes, and he was soaked.

A fifth year prefect called Ajit Patil told Sirius he would get detention if he threw any more water balloons, and he’d better clean up right away. Sirius said he didn’t know a drying charm so James ran upstairs to change.

Lily tried a drying charm on my parchment, and it worked, but the ink had smeared too much, so I still have to do it over. Then she started yelling at Sirius and he said, “Who do you think you are – you Mu-“ He stopped himself before he called her a Mudblood, but Lily must have known what he was going to say because she threw her quill at him and ran upstairs. The quill poked Sirius in the arm and I was glad. I hope it hurt! He tried to talk to me, but I just came upstairs. I’ll never forgive him for ruining my essay and insulting Lily.


	2. Chapter the Second

Author’s Notes: Please forgive me, Gianfar! In my first chapter, I totally forgot to thank her for my title! I’m totally useless at poetry, and she found that poem and suggested the title one night when we were on IM. What a doll! Many thanks also to Swishandflick, my faithful beta reader.

Like I said in chapter one, please forgive my sentence structure and word usage. I’m writing this as an eleven-year-old would. As Remus grows, his writing will improve.

**********************************

“We’ve knelt before the Moon’s white face,   
While around us whirred Night’s purple wings.”  
From “Transformation” by J. Corson Miller

**********************************

Sunday, 12 September 1971  
1:22 PM

Sirius kept trying to talk to me today and I finally decided I’d better quit ignoring him or he might start doing pranks on me, too. He didn’t really apologize – just said he didn’t mean to get my essay wet and that he would help me write another one. I told him he almost called Lily a Mudblood. He didn’t apologize for that either – just said that he knew he’d better be careful not to say it now that he was in Gryffindor. I told him it hurt Lily’s feelings and he should apologize to her, but he just laughed and asked me if I fancy her. That made me mad so I came upstairs.

I hope Sirius isn’t one of those people who thinks he’s better than Muggle-borns like his cousin Narcissa does. He knows my dad was a Muggle and he doesn’t seem to mind that. He also seems to like Peter okay, and I think he’s Muggle-born. But he doesn’t like James at all, and James is a pure-blood. So maybe he’s okay. Or maybe he just wants to be friends with people that he thinks are inferior so he can be the boss or something.

This blood stuff is all really stupid. Last summer, Mum and Renoir were talking about this bloke who’s trying to get people to hate all Muggle-borns. They seemed a little scared that some of the old pure-blood families were listening to him. I think it’s stupid for people to hate them. Lily and Peter are really nice, and Lily knew how to do a drying charm when Sirius didn’t.

****************************************

Monday, 13 September 1971  
7:37 PM

This morning on the way to Astronomy, James wrote “kick me” on a piece of parchment and charmed it to stick to the back of Sirius’s robes. It was kind of funny until a group of bigger boys came along and really kicked him hard. I was afraid they were really going to hurt him. But then the Head Boy (his name is Lucius) stopped them and took away house points from them and some of the other kids who were only laughing.

Peter and I helped Sirius stand up. Lucius looked at Peter and me really weird and then gave Sirius a different look, like he was a bit angry. He said, “You are Narcissa Black’s cousin.” Sirius nodded, and Lucius said, “Don’t ever let those with inferior blood humiliate you again!” Lucius looked at Peter and me again, and this time I realized he was looking at us like we were something nasty on the bottom of his shoe. After Lucius walked away, Sirius shook his arms to get Peter and I to let go of him and walked to class. He looked like he was trying not to limp. I don’t think I like the Head Boy.

****************************************

Thursday, 16 September 1971  
9:18 PM

I think Lily’s been avoiding me – probably because Sirius is always sitting with me. I finally got a chance to talk to her today during flying since Sirius was busy trying to fly better than James. I told her I was sorry he said that and that I think Muggle-borns are as good as anyone and that my mum taught me Mudblood was a bad word. She asked me why I hang around with Sirius. I said that really he hangs around me, but that he’s not so bad, and he treats Peter okay even though he’s Muggle-born. She sat with me at dinner, so she must not be mad at me. I’m glad, because I like her a lot better than Sirius.

*****************************************

Saturday, 18 September 1971  
3:37 PM

James’s hair is green! Sirius says it’s Slytherin green. Sirius put something in his pumpkin juice at lunch to turn his hair green. He said it would only last a few hours, but today was Quidditch tryouts. James spent about an hour after lunch trying to change his hair back. He actually set it on fire once, but he put it out before much burnt off. I found out that burning hair smells really bad!

Anyway, James finally gave up and went to Quidditch tryouts with green hair. I asked him if he was afraid the Gryffindor captain would think he was supporting Slytherin, but he only grinned and said she would only care how good he could fly – not what colour his hair was.

I went to watch. The captain seemed surprised that a first year was bothering to try out, but she didn’t say anything about his hair. James didn’t make the team. He was a little disappointed, but he said he’d keep practicing and he’d make it next year. The Seeker they have is really good. She’s a sixth year, so James will have to practice really hard to beat her next year.

***************************************

Wednesday, 22 September 1971  
7:04 PM

Just a little while ago, Sirius and I were sitting here in the common room studying, and Lily asked me if she could talk to me privately. Sirius snickered and winked at me which made me mad, but I went anyway.

We went outside the portrait hole and Lily asked me if Sirius really fancies Lauren (one of her roommates). I told her I didn’t know – he never talks about girls. (That’s not exactly true – sometimes he teases me about Lily, but I didn’t tell her that.) She said Lauren got a note from Sirius that said he loves her. She said if it’s not true then it’s a really mean prank because Lauren thinks Sirius is cute. Lily said she didn’t know why – she thinks Sirius looks like a mangy cur with his long black hair. I thought that was funny.

I asked Lily why Lauren didn’t just ask Sirius about the note. She said Lauren is very shy. (Now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ve ever heard Lauren speak.) Lily asked me if I would ask Sirius about it. I thought she should ask him herself, but I didn’t say so. I think girls are really strange.

Sirius was grinning really big when I came back into the common room. He asked if Lily kissed me. That made me embarrassed, and I think my face turned red. But then I told him I should be teasing him about Lauren.

He said, “Lauren who?”

I said, “The one you sent a note to.”

He looked really confused, so I don’t think he did it. I wrote Lily a note that told her so, and charmed it to fly over to where she was sitting.

Sirius looked like he was thinking really hard. Then he said, “Potter,” and ran up to the dormitory. Peter came down a minute later looking scared. I think if the shouts and banging get much louder the prefects will have to go up there. I hope they knock some sense into each other this time – their fighting is so stupid. I hope they don’t break any of my stuff, but I’m waiting at least another hour before I go upstairs.

***************************************************

Thursday, 23 September 1971  
9:23 PM

It turns out that it was James who sent the love note to Lauren, signing Sirius’s name. I think it was really mean of him – these pranks are starting to hurt other people besides James and Sirius.

Lily really yelled at James today after flying lessons. It’s a good thing we were outside. She said that prank was really mean to Lauren instead of to Sirius, and that she wished they would either stop the pranks or kill each other.

I think they came pretty close to killing each other last night. Ajit Patil and another prefect finally dragged them both down the stairs and took them to the hospital wing. I didn’t hear them come in last night, but they were both at breakfast, and glaring at each other even more than normal.

I wonder why they keep fighting. I talked to Lily about it. She really shocked me when she said they were both trying to be the Alpha, like in a wolf pack. She said she really likes wolves and has read a lot about them. For a minute I was really scared – I thought maybe she knew. But she couldn’t know, could she? I hope she never finds out – I couldn’t stand it if she hated me.

***************************************************

Wednesday, 29 September 1971  
8:47 PM

I can’t believe it’s been almost a week since I’ve written in here. I’ve been so busy, and really not much exciting has happened.

Defence Against the Dark Arts is still my favourite class. There’s this Slytherin boy called Severus in there who always knows the answers. He sounds like he thinks he’s better than everyone else when he talks. Yesterday I saw him walking down the corridor with Lucius Malfoy and they both looked at me like I was a bug they wanted to squash. I know it would be better if I got along with everyone in my year, but I’m not sure if I like Severus. I’m glad he’s not in Gryffindor – Sirius and James are bad enough.

Speaking of them, they haven’t done any more pranks, but I’m not getting my hopes up. They still glare at each other and don’t talk to each other. I think they’re both planning something really bad for the other. I’m just glad neither of them has told me anything about it.

I spend as much time as I can with Peter and Lily and away from Sirius and James. Peter is okay, but he doesn’t talk much. I found out Lily loves to read as much as I do. She loaned me a book called The Fellowship of the Ring. My father had The Hobbit, and I loved it, but I didn’t know Tolkien had written more books. I think I like Frodo even better than Bilbo.

Well, I’ll quit before this entry gets too boring. Not that anyone will be reading this, but still.

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Friday, 1 October 1971  
7:01 PM

I can’t believe what happened today! This is the worst one yet! I can’t believe Sirius went this far!

In Potions, I was sitting with Sirius and James was sitting with Peter. Sirius leaned across me when no one was looking and put extra dried nettles in James’s Forgetfulness Potion. I saw him do it, but I don’t think anyone else did. I couldn’t believe he would go that far with the pranks! I wondered if I should tell the teacher, but I really want to get good marks, and I’m afraid of what Sirius might do to me if he gets mad. I mean, look what he did to James!

I didn’t really feel like eating lunch, so I went straight to the library after Potions to read the book Lily loaned me. James found me after lunchtime, and I was glad we were in the library, because he looked like he wanted to yell at me. He said his potion was the wrong colour, and Professor Biber told him he put in too many dried nettles. He said he knew he didn’t make a mistake with that potion and that Sirius must have sabotaged it. I didn’t know what to say. I was afraid if I told him what I saw that Sirius would get very mad at me. James seemed to know that Sirius did it and that I saw it, and he was really mad at me for keeping quiet.

I told James that I’m getting really tired of being caught in the middle of their pranks and fighting. He said that I need to choose sides, and asked me if I want to be friends with him or Sirius. I said that it’s not fair to make me choose and that I want to be friends with both. He said if I wouldn’t choose he would choose for me, and stomped off.

I’d rather be friends with James after what Sirius did, but I don’t think I’d like being Sirius’s enemy, so I didn’t tell James that. But I’m not sure what I’m going to do now, because it looks like James doesn’t want to be my friend any more.

I wonder if it’s too late to ask Dumbledore if I can be switched to Ravenclaw. Or maybe he would let me sleep in the girl’s dormitory.

****************************************************

Saturday, 2 October 1971  
11:03 AM

I’ve been so worried about James and Sirius that I completely forgot that the Full Moon is Monday! I really need to make up a story that will last the whole year. Mum said I should tell them she’s sick and has to have treatments every four weeks, and I have to go and help her because she’s so weak after. That sounds kind of lame to me – I’m afraid the other boys will think I just miss my mum. I guess I’ll try it if I don’t think of anything better.

This morning at breakfast Sirius got a letter from his mum. It was plain that it made him angry, and I was curious, but didn’t dare ask him about it. Kinesha wasn’t afraid to ask him, though. She doesn’t seem to be afraid of anything. Of course, her family is pure-blood and I guess she thinks her older brother will hex anyone who isn’t nice to her.

Sirius cursed his family for a bit, and then he explained that his parents were very angry that he got into Gryffindor. They heard that he was making friends with the half-bloods and Muggle-borns instead of the pure-bloods, and they told him they would bring him home if he didn’t stop hanging around with kids with “inferior blood”.

I couldn’t help thinking how much easier everything would be if Sirius went home, but then I felt guilty for thinking that as soon as Sirius spoke again. He said that his parents could go to hell and that Peter and I were his mates, no matter what they said. He said he didn’t care about blood at all, and that he could bloody well be friends with whoever he wanted. He said all that pretty loudly which was a little embarrassing. I looked around and saw James listening, but I couldn’t tell what he was thinking by his expression. I wonder what Sirius’s parents would say if they knew one of his friends was a werewolf.

************************************************

Sunday, 3 October 1971  
9:37 PM

I got a letter from Mum today, which made me really miss her. I wish I was really going to see her tomorrow.

I told Sirius, Peter, and Lily that I have to go help my mother with her treatment tomorrow. I hope the letter made it easier to believe – I think that’s why she sent it. Lily asked me a lot of questions about my mum’s disease. I told her it was really rare and I didn’t understand much about it, but that she has a treatment about every four weeks and someone has to help her because she’s so weak after. An older girl named Bertha heard us talking and said that she never heard of anyone getting to leave school every month before. I said that Dumbledore was new this year so maybe he was going to be different about things like that. Then Peter spoke up very quietly and asked why my sister didn’t stay with my mum. I panicked for a moment because I hadn’t thought of that, but I finally managed to make up some excuse about her job being too demanding, and the goblins wouldn’t let her take time off.

James finally spoke to me again today. When I was studying alone in the common room he came over and said he was sorry about my mum (I guess stories like that travel fast). Then he sat down and studied with me for awhile. I guess he’s not mad any more. I’m glad.

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Wednesday, 6 October 1971  
6:11 PM

Well, I made it through my second Full Moon. I had to miss two days of classes this time, though. Madam Pomfrey let me come back to the dormitory tonight if I said I would go to bed early, but I’ve been mostly sleeping for two days and I think I’ve had enough. I think I’m going to go to Astronomy tonight – I’ve missed enough classes. I can skip breakfast tomorrow morning and sleep through my free period. I hope Madam Pomfrey doesn’t find out and get mad at me – she’s been so nice. But I’ve been dealing with this for four years now and I know when I’m too tired or not too tired. (I’m lying in my bed right now – maybe that counts as going to bed early – I never said I wouldn’t get up later.)

I broke one of my ribs this time, and it’s a little sore. I wonder how I did it – I must have fallen on top of something. At least it’s easy to hide from the others – not like last month when I hurt my leg and had to try not to limp.

I was really scared and sad when I saw the inside of the house. Last month when I got there it was all neat and clean like it was waiting for someone to live there, but I didn’t see it when I left because I was unconscious. But now a lot of things are broken and there’s claw marks everywhere. I guess it looks like a werewolf went crazy in there. I apologized to Madam Pomfrey but she just said not to worry – the house was made for me after all. But I still felt bad.

When I was at home I transformed in a metal shed in the garden. Mum kept it locked up when it wasn’t the Full Moon, but one time I took the key and looked inside. There were a few dents in the walls but it didn’t look so bad. I never knew how much damage I could do. Dumbledore really should have given me a cave or something to change in. I feel really bad about tearing up that house, especially since I know I’ll mess it up a little more every month. I guess I really am a monster.

The other boys will be back from dinner soon. I asked James to write down the assignments for me since Sirius and Peter forget things a lot. I wonder if James and Sirius have done any more pranks or had any more fights. I hope not.

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Thursday 7 October 1971  
8:45 PM

I had a note from Madam Pomfrey that I couldn’t fly today because of my rib that’s still sore. I wanted to try it anyway, but I figured I had already pushed my luck going to Astronomy last night. So I gave the note to Madam Hooch before the other kids got there and went to the dormitory. I was hoping I wouldn’t get any questions about it, but I should have known Lily would ask.

I explained to her that I fell at my house and bruised my chest. She asked how, and I told her I’m just very clumsy – I get hurt a lot. She gave me a funny look, but didn’t ask any more about it, thank goodness.

I’m going to have to work very hard this weekend to catch up on all my homework. Too bad – I really wanted to find out what Frodo and Sam have been doing while Aragorn and the others were fighting in Rohan. I guess I’ll have to finish The Two Towers next week.

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Thursday, 14 October 1971  
6:59 PM

I can’t believe James did it! I thought Sirius’s potions prank was bad, but this one really took a lot of nerve.

We had a really long Transfiguration essay due today. As soon as Sirius gave his to Professor McGonagall, it started singing! Yes, singing! I couldn’t believe it! I know the song because Dad had an old Victrola and used to play a recording of Frank Sinatra singing it. Let’s see if I can remember the words.

I'm in the mood for love  
Simply because you're near me.  
Funny but when you're near me,  
I'm in the mood for love.  
Heaven -------   
Bright as the stars ------  
\--------------------  
I'm in the mood for love.

Well, I guess I can remember some of the words, but not most of them.

Anyway, I’ve never seen Professor McGonagall so mad. Her face turned red and she couldn’t even speak for a minute. She finally told him to make it stop, but he said he didn’t know how. Somehow she knew to look at James. The whole class was laughing, but he was laughing harder than anyone. She gave James and Sirius both detention. James didn’t even bother to deny doing it – I think he was sort of proud of it. It was a good bit of magic, actually.

Sirius was really mad – he said he didn’t do anything wrong. She said she didn’t care – she’d had enough of the pranks. Tomorrow night they have to clean all the bedpans and scrub the floor in the hospital wing without magic. It’s a good thing they’ll be in the hospital wing – maybe Madam Pomfrey can get to them before they kill each other.


End file.
